I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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