I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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