I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Randomize
