i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
