on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
