god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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