According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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