how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
