I'm lost and stupid without you.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
