party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
