remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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