glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
