Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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