sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
