I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
