I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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