i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
did you just send me my own nude
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
