It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
