So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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