There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
