My hand turned me down
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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