Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
God I need to hump something, right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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