i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
