1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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