Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
