Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
