and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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