do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
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just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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