Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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