Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
