just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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