he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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