He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
