I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I understand Curling. That high.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
