thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If I die, sorry about rent.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
