why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
