Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
