I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
