please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
