I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
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Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize