the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
