Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
