Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
