Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just made my gag reflex go away.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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