one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
These tits shall not be calmed
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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