My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
