My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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