i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
