If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
