Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
