i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
