i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
