i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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