Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
