checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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