I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Quick, to the slutcave!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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