I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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