So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
