everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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