i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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