I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
