and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You don't make any sense
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