I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Please, let me fuck your mom
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
