I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
